SOS for Mental Distress

by Beth

Fire Rescue by Norman Rockwell*

My latest episode of mental distress started last spring. In spite of eight hours of sleep a night and eating healthy 90% of the time, I felt tired, irritated, and mentally fogged. My digestion was off and I was experiencing road “irritation” (thankfully, many degrees away from road “rage”). I just wanted my days to be over so I could plop on the sofa, do jigsaw puzzles on my iPad, and "check out."

I needed to change something. To help me find out what and why, I turned to the koshas (or kosa). This model, a multi-dimensional view of the human being at all levels, has its roots in the Taittirya Upanishad and predates the Yoga Sutras by 1000 years (see Working with the Witness). The levels (or bodies) are: 

• Physical Body (anamayakosha)
• Breath-Energy Body (pranamayakosha)
• Mental-Emotional Body (manomayakosha)
• Wisdom-Witness Body (vijnyanamayakosha)
• Bliss Body (anandamayakosha) 

In Light On Life: The Journey to Wholeness, Inner Peace and Ultimate Freedom, B. K. S. Iyengar refers to the kosha model as “layers of an onion or the Russian dolls, where one is nested within the other.” Clearly, my onion needed some serious peeling! My first step was to assess myself at all levels, kosha by kosha. Using my Wisdom-Witness body, I found discomfort and imbalances at all levels: 

Physical Body: Episodes of acid reflux and constipation resulting from poor digestion.

Breath-Energy Body: My breathing, at times, was shallow and I felt drained.

Mental-Emotional Body: My thoughts and feelings were moving between states of irritation, impatience, and a feeling of failure.

Bliss Body: I felt generally disconnected and out of sorts. 

What to do? Certainly I could turn to my yoga practice. The importance of using yoga to balance and integrate the koshas is implicit in Iyengar’s words:  

“It is essential for the follower of the yoga journey to understand the need for integration and balance in the kosa. For example, the mental and intellectual bodies (manomaya and vijnanamaya kosa) must function effectively in order for us to observe, analyze and reflect what is happening in the physical and energetic bodies (anamaya and pranamaya kosa) and make adjustments.” 

An adjustment was SO needed. Yes, Legs Up the Wall pose would calm my mind, but I also needed to get to the root of the distress so I could figure out what needed to change. I turned to what I call SOS! 

SOS is the international distress signal and also the acronym for “Stop, Observe, Surrender,” another name for a deeper dive into the koshas. It’s an anywhere, anytime, on or off the mat yoga technique.

Stop: Slow down, pause, and create space to breathe and simply be. This is reminiscent of the mindfulness phrase, “Don’t just do something, sit there.”

Observe: Use the Witness-Wisdom body to: 

1. Notice, sense, and feel all the connection points between your physical body and any surface your body touches. Examine each point. Become aware of texture, pressure, shape, boundaries, and sensation (anamayakosha).
2. Take a moment or two to follow the breath in and out of your body, noticing all four parts of the breath: the inhalation, the slight pause before the exhalation, the exhalation, and the slight pause before the inhalation (pranamayakosha).
3.  Check in with your mind and notice the flow and content of thoughts and the prevalent feeling state/s or emotions (manomayakosha).  

Surrender: This can be the hardest part. To release control, rest, and wait, simply wait for what comes. When an answer comes, and it always does—even if it’s not what we are expecting or hoping for—right action can follow (anandamayakosha). 

I practice this mostly off the mat several times a day when I need to. Great opportunities to do this occur while standing in checkout lines, sitting and waiting for appointments, or lying in bed after lights out and before sleep. After a few days of practice, the answer floated up from my subconscious. Turns out it was my current work and volunteer schedule. It was feeling heavy, mundane, obligatory, and repetitive. I’m sure I knew this at some level but was in denial since dealing with the issue would most likely mean saying no to something I’d happily said yes to and disappointing others, which as a recovering perfectionist (see Yoga Therapy for Perfectionism) is difficult for me to do. The SOS practice helped soften the denial, and open my conscious mind to accept this reality. 

Right action meant simplifying and re-aligning my schedule. Once I accepted that, the irritation, tiredness, and mental fog lifted, and I’ve been able to enjoy my daily journey while in the process of re-organizing my schedule. And my koshas? They are feeling pretty balanced right now. 

Physical Body: Sleep is easy and restful, appetite is good, digestion is balanced, and elimination is regular. My massage therapist noted after my last session, “You must be doing something right. The knots in your back are gone.”

Breath-Energy Body: My breathing is slow, deep, and easy.

Mental-Emotional Body: The mind is calm and peaceful. I see my life working for good.

Wisdom-Witness Body: With the new awareness, I can release the need to distract myself. I still do my jigsaw puzzles but for fun and not as a “check out” activity.

Bliss Body: I feel joy and a sense of being connected and content.

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Never Too Late: Yoga for the Fourth Age

by Beth

The Fourth Age, according to Stephen F. Barnes, Ph.D. of San Diego State University’s Interwork Institute, is a relatively new term coined to reflect the extension of life over the past few decades and generally refers to individuals age 80 and above. Norma Bursack, age 88, is a Fourth Age Yogi.

There are three descriptive principles that relate to the Fourth Age and Norma’s experience is an excellent illustration of all three. Her experience can serve as a guiding light for those of us who have yet to travel that stage of life.  

Principle One: Biological and functional decline becomes more apparent, although research points out important individual differences in both the timing and pattern of decline. 

Norma uses the yoga tool of svadhyaya (self-awareness—see The Power of Svadhyaya (Self Study), Part 1) along with a well-developed sense of humor to deal with this principle. She is a two-time cancer survivor (colon cancer in 1994 and cervical cancer at age 85). It was self-awareness of something “not right” that sent her first to one doctor and then to another when the first doctor’s diagnosis didn’t fit what she felt and knew to be true about her body (anamayakosha). Now self-awareness helps her adjust her lifestyle practices post surgery. Since her bout with colon cancer, she has a long list of foods that her digestive system does not tolerate, and she finds it easier to eat five small meals or snacks a day. In addition, she wears a hearing aid and often needs compression socks for swollen ankles due to water retention. However, the socks are worn with the toes cut out to show off her pedicure. 

Another yoga tool that is helpful with this principle is santosha. Santosha is defined as contentment (see Yoga Philosophy: Contentment). When we practice santosha we learn to accept ourselves as we are. This is especially important to practice as our bodies change with age. Norma’s practice of santosha is clear in the following poem that popped into her head at 3:00 a.m. one morning at age 80.  

What Do You Expect, I’m 80
By Norma J. Bursack

I once had a waist and perky boobs
And hips that didn’t resemble tubes
A neck that turned painlessly left or right
To allow for safe oncoming traffic sight
Everything seems to be headed south
Wonder what became of my mouth
I’m a couple of inches closer to the ground
But grateful and happy to still be around  

Principle Two: The need arises for social and cultural support in order maintain high levels of functioning. 

Norma currently lives in a supportive, independent living community for older adults. The recreation department addresses the need for social and cultural support by planning a wide variety of activities to foster social interaction and community building. These activities include exercise classes, yoga classes, arts and cultural activities and field trips, all focused on encouraging the all-important positive mental attitude toward the aging process.  

“Scientists are discovering something very peculiar about aging: How we feel about getting old matters. A lot. In test after test, researchers are finding that if we think about getting older in terms of decline or disability, our health likely will suffer. If, on the other hand, we see aging in terms of opportunity and growth, our bodies respond in kind.” —Anne Tergesen from “To Age Well, Change How You Feel About Aging.”(see How You Feel About Aging)

One yoga tool that Norma has learned in her yoga class is Hansi mudra, gesture of the Inner Smile. It can be helpful in developing and sustaining a positive attitude. The word ‘Hansi” refers to smiling and laughter and is thought to direct the breath into the upper chest, neck and head, cultivating an experience of joy, lightness and the unfolding of positive qualities. Norma regularly practices this. 

Instructions:

1. In your favorite seated position, with both hands, curl your index, middle, and ring fingers in so the tips of the fingers touch the tips of the thumbs.
2. Extend your little fingers straight out.
3. Rest the backs of your hands on the thighs or knees, or hold your hands by the sides of the body with the little fingers pointing upward (this option works well if you choose to do the mudra in a standing position).
4. Relax your shoulders back and down, and maintain your spine in its natural curves.
5. Hold for 5 to 10 breaths, or as long as you’re comfortable.  

Principle Three: Interventions such as fitness programs combining strength and flexibility along with an engaged lifestyle can apparently reduce and even reverse cognitive and neural decline. 

Norma’s relationship to the third principle of the Forth Age demonstrates that it’s never too late to begin a yoga practice. Some years ago, yoga was offered to residents of her community but she didn’t pursue it because it conflicted with her water aerobics class. That changed about two years ago, and she now attends yoga classes twice a week. She says she committed to attending the yoga classes after the first one: 

“Classes are like a relief or escape from everyday worries. Eyes closed, soft music and pleasant vocal instructions are most welcome and soothing. I feel my benefits from yoga fall into a spiritual category. It’s hard to explain the feeling. I somehow relate it to the release of an anchor freeing a vessel to be seaborne.” 

That last line, “I somehow relate it to the release of an anchor freeing a vessel to be seaborne” is an insightful metaphor, and it would not be surprising to see it pop up in one of her new poems!

She finds the yoga stretches rewarding and says, "I feel I can credit yoga classes to my new-found ability to easily bend down and touch the floor."

In addition to her twice-weekly yoga classes, Norma is creative and engaged with life, her family, and her community. She concentrates on keeping her mind active and her attitude positive. She writes poetry, stories, and plays. Her apartment is filled with books, family photos, and binders of her writing. Her attitude is also apparent in how she dresses and carries herself. Her hair, clothes, and jewelry all give the impression of someone who practices self-care and expresses herself in ways to positively influence her aging process. She is a shining example of an active Fourth Age Yogi.

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3 Tips for Managing the Blues with Yoga

by Beth

Winter Trees by Melina Meza

You wake up one morning and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Or, at some point during the day your body’s energy and your mental state plummet. You feel heavy, sluggish, and “stuck in the mud” of inaction. Every item on your to do list seems insurmountable. You feel like Sisyphus, that legendary king of Corinth, condemned eternally in Hades to repeatedly roll a heavy rock up a hill only to have it roll down again as it nears the top. So why bother doing anything? It seems so fruitless. Clearly, there is an energetic imbalance happening. 

The blues. We all get them from time to time. Because we are spiritual beings having a human experience, this happens. And because we are all different in so many ways, my blues, will not look or feel like your blues. If the energy state is temporary and does not linger—I draw the line at 3 days—we can choose to use our knowledge of yoga to shift our energy into a state where we feel more stable, embodied, grounded, safe, and connected to the physical world, our families, friends, and support communities. We can work toward a balance that lifts the perceived weight from our physical bodies (anamayakosha), restores our lagging energy (pranamayakosha), and calms the mind (manomayakosha), which may be stuck at any point between a deep well of dense, leaden earth and a fast moving cloud of anxious restlessness.

1. Self Study and Discipline

When I find myself in this sate of imbalance and want to shift myself to a more balanced state, I turn to the niyamas. The first step is self-awareness (svadhyaya) and the question: why is this imbalance manifesting at this time? Sometimes I’ll find an answer and sometimes I won’t, but the important part of the process is to ask the question. The next step is discipline (tapas) and the question: which yoga techniques can help shift the imbalance?

I lead an active life with a full schedule of teaching, writing, mentoring, volunteering, and keeping up with family and social groups from my book club to my “neighbors without a hood” Friday night dinner friends. When the blues manifest, it’s usually one of two reasons. Either I have overextended myself, and my body takes over to slow me down for rest and relaxation. Or, there is some creative impulse or life lesson that needs to come up to come out, and my body takes over to slow me down and let the gestation process move forward. At this stage of my life, I’ve learned to first be with and watch the process instead of rushing to shift the imbalance. Then, with or without an answer, I can choose my yoga approach to shift the energy. 

2. Creating Heat

Doing yoga poses in a way that creates heat, encourages a feeling of stimulation, and intention is helpful. I focus on the feeling of moving purposefully at a comfortable rate of speed and determination. A flow that I love and use frequently is Downward-Facing Dog to Plank pose. When dealing with the blues, I add in longer holds with a conscious mental focus of, “stimulate, strengthen, and energize.” 

Downward-Facing Dog to Plank Pose. In this mini vinyasa, I hold each asana for several breaths, usually 20 – 30 seconds, while keeping the focus on strengthening my arms and lengthening my spine. I keep my knees slightly bent for comfort. I repeat this flow several times using normal breathing with a bit more emphasis on the inhalation, and rest for a few breaths in Child pose between repetitions if needed.

This is my usual go-to flow when both body and mind sink into that deep well of dense leaden earth. But sometimes the body wants something else. For example, the last time it happened, I just “knew” that I needed a serious inversion to stimulate myself and move the energy upward in order to “get the lead out.” I went to my yoga swing and hung upside down like a bat for 3 minutes. Relief!

3. Calming Your Mind

On the rare occasion when my body feels heavy and immobile but my mind is stuck in that aforementioned fast-moving cloud of anxious restlessness, I first work to calm and quiet my mind before dealing with the bodily sensations of heaviness. I will do a short practice of either a mini vinyasa of Downward-Facing Dog pose to Child’s pose or 10 minutes in a supported inverted pose, and finish with a short session of seated meditation.

Downward-Facing Dog to Child Pose. I hold Downward-Facing Dog for about 5-10 seconds and Child’s pose for 30 seconds or longer, depending on how I’m feeling. I repeat the flow several times using slow even breathing or a calming breath practice (see Calming Breath Practices We Recommend), along with a mental focus of calming, grounding and warming. To complete the flow, I rest in Child Pose for a few minutes.

Supported Inverted Poses. If I just want one posture, my asana of choice is Legs Up the Wall pose or Easy Inverted pose for 10 minutes, with normal even breathing and a mental focus on all the parts of me that are connected to the floor or chair. 

Seated Meditation. To complete my practice, I do a moment or two of seated meditation with Hakini mudra for integration and balance.

These are a few of the ways I manage my blues. Hope you find the tips helpful as you explore ways to manage yours.

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Three Shades of Grace

by Beth

The Three Graces by Edward Burne-Jones

Aging gracefully is a phrase we often hear but what does it mean? And can yoga help us accomplish it?

The word grace means elegance, a pleasing quality of movement, a sense of what is right and proper, or thoughtfulness toward others. It comes from the Greek charis, the singular form of the word charites, which is translated as grace but also carries the meaning of ‘favor’ or ‘gift.’ For my purposes, I think of grace as physical, social, or spiritual—three variations, or shades, of the same thing. 

Physical Grace

“Grace doesn’t make a fuss about itself, but it subtly warms and transforms the atmosphere.” — Sarah, L. Kaufman, author of The Art of Grace

Physical grace can be defined as self-possession in the midst of physical expression that conveys a sense of comfort, joy and well-being. Recently, while driving to a friend’s house for dinner, I coasted to a stop behind a long line of cars at a traffic light. Off to my left, I saw a woman dancing along the sidewalk to music only she could hear through her ear buds. She stepped off the curb and dance/walked across the street, never missing a beat. Her graceful movements brought a smile to my face. My head nodded to the music I felt but couldn’t hear. My energy shifted as I watched her and the moment was transformed.

Physical grace is a skill that can be learned and experienced in the way we move, dress, walk, dance, or practice yoga. For example, I like to practice the Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskar)—a sequence of postures done as one continuous exercise and synchronized with the breath—as a way to cultivate physical grace. To keep this practice fresh and challenging, you can change the number, choice, and sequence of postures. For example you can add in a Warrior series, or Triangle or Plank pose. I often add in a Standing Twist (Rishi’s Posture) before the last Upward Salute. 

We can flow the asanas together like a dance or hold each one in meditative stillness before intentionally moving to the next. I do both depending on the day, my mood, and my body’s needs. If we practice with awareness, we will be using skillful means to develop our own personal style of physical grace, which can carry over into how we move, dress, walk, or dance. The benefits? Flexibility, strength, efficiency in motion, balance, and agility, along with comfort and pleasure being in our own skin. 

Social Grace

“In the middle of this crazy world, I’m just hoping to show up and be heard.” —Wah!

Humans are wired to be social. Research tells us that having friends and participating in groups actually benefits our health and extends our life spans. A major part of socializing is talking. We may talk a lot but how often do we listen or get listened to? Think of the last person who actively listened to what you had to say and involved you in true give and take conversation. How did that make you feel? Subtly warm and transformed, I’m betting. People who can do that with authenticity are exhibiting social grace, the ability to make others feel seen, heard and more connected. 

Grace under pressure, a phrase coined by Ernest Hemmingway, is something we may need to practice when dealing with a difficult or uncomfortable social situation. We can change the situation, change our response to the situation, or leave. Any of those choices can be the right one depending upon how we implement it. A breath technique that can be helpful in calming the mind while considering the graceful path to take is Relaxation Breath. When I find myself in uncomfortable social situations, I use this breath to calm my mind while I decide how to manage my energy and my actions. 

Instructions:

1. Sit comfortably. 
2. Inhale through your nose. 
3. Exhale through your nose. 
4. Pause after your exhalation and silently count “one thousand one, one thousand two.” 
5. Repeat and continue for 2-3 minutes.

This practice brings awareness to your breath, slows your rate of breathing, and lengthens your exhalation. The technique is invisible to others, is calming to your nervous system, and can help create the psychic space within which you can practice grace under pressure in difficult situations. (See Calming Breath Practices We Recommend for more information about exhalation pausing.)

Spiritual Grace

Spiritual grace (Samadhi) is similar to and yet different than physical or social grace. It’s similar in the sense that when we intentionally practice meditation through movement, mantra, or mudra, we can sometimes experience transformation. But it’s different in the sense that spiritual grace can be bestowed with absolutely no effort, or practice, on our part. Here is what one of my students told me about her experience with spiritual grace:

“It’s a state of emptiness and unity I have reached enough times to know it truly exists, but it is elusive and does not materialize on command. My experiences have been fleeting moments. One in particular that I remember very clearly was when my three kids were little. The two girls were giggling outside in the snow on a cloudy day in their brightly colored snowsuits, the baby was asleep for a nap and I was sitting next to the patio door with a hot cup of chocolate. There was a very brief moment where I sensed that everything in the world was in divine, right order and it was an amazing feeling that ended seconds later when the oldest poked the middle child with an icicle and it was over. But I never forgot that moment. Everything was very clear and it was as if the world stopped revolving for a millisecond and I was filled with bliss and peace.”

My most intense experience occurred while transferring one of my needlepoint designs to canvas mesh. The transfer process is time consuming and requires concentration. One evening, while working on a new design, I lost all sense of time, space and self about halfway through the process. When that period of grace ended, I was amazed at the deep level of peace I felt.

It’s lovely when spiritual grace happens without effort but consistent practice tills the ground and plants the seeds to prepare us to receive and recognize it when it occurs. I practice mudras (hand gestures) as one way to help me plant those seeds (see About Mudras for Healthy Aging). Currently I’m working with Trishula Mudra, the gesture of non-duality and clear seeing. There are no contraindications for this mudra, but do release it if you feel uncomfortable.

Instructions:

1. Sit comfortably. 
2. Curl your little fingers inward to touch the base of your thumbs. 
3. Place your thumbs on top of your little fingers to secure them. 
4. Extend your three other fingers straight out. 
5. Rest your backs of the hands on your thighs or knees with the palms facing up. 
6. Hold the mudra for 5 to 10 breaths, or longer if you’re comfortable 

In The Secret Power of Yoga, Nischala Joy Devi writes that we are all in a constant state of grace but often do not remember it. I believe that a regular practice of yoga will help us remember grace in all of its shades as we move through the process of aging gracefully. 

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Getting Juicy! Advice from Maria Mendola

by Beth

Whatever season your part of the world is experiencing now, spring will arrive sooner or later. Spring is the season of renewal, new life, new growth, and vitality both for the planet and for each of us. Vitality is one of the meanings of the word “juicy” and best expresses Maria Mendola’s recommendation for spring: “Get Juicy Now!” The idea being that being vital and getting juicy is about embodying health, radiance, contentment, and so much more. Juicy joints, juicy thoughts, juicy moves! Let’s age, juicy! Isn’t that a helpful image to keep in mind as we age? 

I decided to interview Maria for a couple of reasons. I’ve known her for many years, and have been fascinated by her story and impressed by the way she “walks her talk.” I’m encouraging her to write a book and have offered to help. Recently we were teaching together in the foundational two-week training for the Integrative Yoga Therapy program, and I decided that interviewing her would make a good post for this blog and might be a way to move the book agenda forward. 

Let me tell you a bit about her. Maria began her work in the health field as a holistic nurse. She has since studied with Dr. Vasant Lad, the late Mukunda Stiles, Tias Little, and Joseph LePage. For her, the idea of aging juicy began with a personal crisis. Twenty years ago as she was riding her bike in Mexico, she was hit from behind by a pickup truck. The accident resulted in massive brain injury and a broken back. She was told she would never walk again. She used time and yoga to begin the slow process of healing and self-discovery. Now at age 58, she is walking, running, dancing, teaching yoga classes, managing a yoga therapy practice, offering a Yoga Alliance Approved training program in Functional Yoga Therapy, and can dead lift 120 pounds with perfect form. She is a walking source of juicy advice for aging well and functioning optimally.

About aging, she says: 

“Most of our perspective on aging is in our minds. We do have a biological clock but I don’t believe that aging equates with the body failing. We need to adapt to the changing seasons in the same way we adapt to the seasons of aging.”

Her recipe for healthy aging consists of three words: Expand, Nourish, and Root. I asked Maria to recommend a yoga technique for each concept. 

Expand

Maria says, “One major key is balance. It’s the first thing to leave after age 40 but we can get it back through yoga.” Her suggested technique is Dynamic Stork pose, performed slowly with full engagement of body, breath, and mind. (You can find many excellent posts on the importance of balance by Nina and Baxter on this blog, such as  Yoga and Balance: An Overview and Techniques for Improving Balance.)

Instructions

1. Stand in Mountain Pose, with your feet slightly wider than hips-width apart. Shift your weight and strengthen into your left leg.
2. Keep your spine straight, and your eyes open and focused on a point on the ground in front of you or straight ahead. 
3. Inhale and expand as you float your arms out to the sides, bend your right knee and slowly raise your right leg in front of you until it is in line with your hip. 
4. Pause at the top of your inhalation and hold for a beat or two.
5. On your exhalation, release your arms and legs and return to Mountain pose.
6. From Mountain pose, if your feet are not already slightly wider than hips-width apart, step them into that position. Shift your weight and strengthen into the right foot and leg, and repeat the pose on your left side.
7. Repeat at least six times on each side.

Maria recommends practicing in bare feet on a firm surface. 

Nourish

As part of a daily meditation practice, Maria suggests using Jala Mudra, the gesture of water. This mudra is said to:

• Encourage fluidity and flexibility in both mind and body
• Lubricate the joints
• Support the health of the urinary, reproductive, digestive, and eliminatory systems

Instructions

1. In your favorite seated position, touch the tips of your thumbs to the tips of your little fingers, and extend the other three fingers straight out.
2. Rest the backs of your hands on your thighs or your knees.
3. Soften your shoulders and sit with your spine comfortably straight.
4. Hold for 5 to 10 breaths, or as long as you’re comfortable 

Root

Maria says, “Love your feet! Our feet move these body temples of ours along the earth. Daily, feed your feet with loving massage and oils. Treat them to being barefoot, and wearing shoes that fit well. Love each toe. Roll your feet with a ball. Take time to both look and touch your toes to wake up your nervous system. Life is too precious to allow its chaos to sweep us away. Take time to feel your feet daily, to exhale fully, and then inhale energy up from the earth through your whole body. Imagine your energetic roots reaching deep into the earth, bringing in sustenance.”

For more of Maria’s ‘juicy” advice, visit her website MariaAlive.com.

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Transforming Unhelpful Core Beliefs

by Beth

Egg by Melina Meza

Oh, the crazy things we believed as children. My friend Laurie fell off a swing while hanging upside down. She fractured her sternum, spent weeks with a taped chest, and for years believed she would never grow breasts. I believed that in order to get married, I would have to go door to door in my neighborhood to find a husband. One of my son’s childhood friends would not eat bread crusts because a neighbor told her they were baked worms.

Beliefs can be defined as thoughts we hold to be true even though we don’t have proof. When proof appears, beliefs become knowledge. Fortunately for Laurie, my son’s friend, and me, time and knowledge proved our childhood beliefs false. Even so, the emotional attachments to some beliefs defy knowledge and can have an impact on our lives as we age. Laurie did grow breasts but the emotional attachment to that accident left her uncomfortable inverting or hanging upside down in aerial yoga class.

Some core beliefs we hold are helpful and productive but others are not. For example, I believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I know this is not true but the emotional attachment to that belief results in responses like "Thanks, I got this," when unsolicited offers of help come my way. I can trace it back to watching the women in my family seemingly "do it all," alone. The key word here, as you may have guessed, is “seemingly.” The women in my family could have used help but I never saw them ask for it. Why? I can guess but I don’t know. They’ve passed on and I can’t ask them. But I’m left dealing with an emotional attachment to that belief (fear of dependency), which still impacts my behavior and quite possibly my emotional health.

It’s our emotional attachments to these core beliefs and our reactions to them that cause distress and discomfort. However, once we become aware of a counter-productive core belief and recognize the emotional attachment, we can take steps to transform it.

One helpful way of promoting healthy thinking comes from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras: pratipaksha bhavanam. Joseph LePage, Director, Integrative Yoga Therapy, says that pratipaksha bhavanam is the “redirection of negative thoughts to positive ones.” Another interpretation comes from Gary Kraftsow’s American Viniyoga Institute:

Patanjali says if you have negative thinking that comes from anger, greed, or delusion, whether you’re actively in it or just thinking about it, the fruit will be unending suffering and ignorance. Therefore, “Pratipaksha bhavanam:” Take another view, reframe your perspective on the situation. Sutra [2.34]

To practice pratipaksha bhavanam, we need to recognize that one or more core beliefs may be impacting the balance of our lives in a counter-productive way. Next we can select a positive thought, intention, or resolve, and find ways to use it. We can write it down and tape it to the fridge or bathroom mirror so it’s visible every day. We can repeat it often, silently or out loud, as we move through our yoga practice, and we can keep it mentally handy every time we find that counter-productive core belief rising in the mind. Over time and with practice, the emotional attachment will gradually lose its charge and its power, enabling us to transform an unhealthy reaction into a positive, productive response.

Here are a few counter-productive core beliefs and suggested bhavanas to transform them:

Core Belief/Bhavana (Positive Resolve)

1. I can’t trust anybody/I trust myself
2. I’ll never be happy/I enjoy my life; I’m content
3. I’m too different/I am unique – how cool is that!
4. I don’t belong/I attract the right friends
5. I’m too old to (add your words here)/ I’m young at heart and I can (add your words here)
6. I’m too (fat, skinny, ugly etc.)/I love and accept my body

In my case, I need two bhavanas.

1. I ask for help when I need it.
2. I accept help when it is offered.

This practice requires discipline, patience, and consistency but the juice will be worth the squeeze because as we reduce emotional attachments to counter-productive core beliefs, we can better manage our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

Do you have a core belief that needs to be transformed?

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