Forgiveness (Kshama)

by Ram

Tree of Forgiveness by Edward Burne-Jones

Years ago, my wife and I faced a couple of traumatic experiences that could have severely disrupted our lives had we chosen to let them. When, where and how the emotions attached to the negative experience will surface depends on each individual. In our case, we were faced with several situations on an ongoing basis that constantly brought back those negative events. Like many others who face traumatic experiences, we had the choice of:

• approaching a psychiatrist/psychologist
• seeking a counselor
• enrolling in a support group
• choosing to do nothing

While we were not keen in sharing our personal experiences with others in the society, we did not wish to sink/drown in our sorrows, either. Even before we could consider a suitable option, we left Minnesota and made a major move to Marin County, CA. Several life-changing events enveloped us since our move to California. One among them was living in the vicinity of several yoga studios. Thus, we both enrolled in one of the leading yoga studios and, additionally, I chose to seek out Ayurveda while my wife moved into the area of Pranic Healing.

Yoga, meditation, pranayama, Ayurveda, and Pranic Healing may be different schools of learning but they all shared several basic underlying principles, including the aspect of focus (dharana) and the overlaying of painful memories with positive feelings and experiences. Thus, through these practices, we both came closer to transforming our negative experiences. Our daily practices of methods drawn from the above-mentioned sciences helped to lessen the impact of the harrowing events. They made these horrible experiences less intense, and we experienced less frequent flashbacks. But despite bringing in all of the above-mentioned practices into our lives, we were not able to completely alleviate the traumatic experiences. At the very far corner of our minds, we continued to harbor the negativity albeit at a low threshold. 

Then, a few years ago through the practice of self-study (svadhyaya), we came across a couple of original scriptures, including the Hatha Yoga Pradipika by Gorakshanatha and Yoga Yajnyavalkya Samhita. Both these texts describe ten yamas (including the five that I wrote about on this blog) that serve as moral guidelines to lead a conscious, honest, and ethical life. The fifth of the ten yamas mentioned in these scriptures is kshama, which is translated as forgiveness, forbearance, patience, or pardon. As my wife and I delved deeper into this concept, we realized the power of forgiveness. We started cultivating this quality and using it very often in our lives. And guess what? Over the years, forgiving actually helped us to erase that little speck of negativity that was deeply rooted in the far corner of our brains and brought us to a more “present state.” We could completely mitigate our past horrible experiences through the act of forgiveness, and gone was the sorrow, sadness, and flashbacks. The harrowing events disappeared completely; it was as if the nerves associated with these experiences had either withdrawn completely or had died down.

We understood that since the biggest obstacle to connecting with our true selves was hatred or bitterness. Forgiving the individuals who injured our minds and upset our emotional balance helped us to let go of the underlying emotions. Let me clarify that by forgiving, we were neither accepting nor forgetting the facts. Forgiveness also doesn't mean we were overlooking/excusing the behavior or that we were correcting the wrong. Forgiveness only meant that we needed to free ourselves from the traumatic past and move on with those events cleared from our lives. Some of you may criticize that forgiveness may have been a free gift to those who hurt us, however, it brought enormous benefits to my wife and me. In order to forgive completely, we committed all our energy to the process (tapas), engaged in self-inquiry and introspection (svadhyaya), and cultivated a mind that saw divinity in all sentient beings (ishvara pranidhana). (See The Second Branch of Yoga: The Niyamas for more information on the niyamas in general, including tapas, svadhyaya, and ishvara pranidhana.)

How did this transformation happen? Well, according to recent research studies, if you forgive and let go, you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress hormones circulating in your blood. Additionally, other physical symptoms, including unexplained body pains, digestive issues, and migraine headaches, may disappear. At the emotional level, forgiving and letting go helps to curb anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, and other negative emotions. It also allows you to recall amiably the true though painful parts without the baggage of expletives running through your mind that stirs up hatred, tension, and tears. According to scientists at the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, “harboring unforgiveness comes at an emotional and a physiological cost. Cultivating forgiveness may cut these costs." 

Recent research on the health benefits of forgiveness also shows that people who can make this mental shift may benefit yet in another way they didn’t anticipate—namely, living longer. In a study aptly entitled Forgive to Live, Luther College psychologist Loren Toussaint and colleagues investigated the relationship between forgiveness and lifespan in a U.S.-wide sample of 1500 adults aged 66 and older. The study, published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, tested the benefits of forgiveness to longevity. The study followed the subjects for three years to allow the researchers to determine whether forgiveness influenced health and mortality. After controlling for various parameters, including religion, social class, and health-related behaviors, the single parameter that greatly predicted mortality was the act of forgiveness. People who were averse to forgiving died early compared to people who were keen in forgiving. The people who refused to forgive continued to harbor resentment and grudges that affected their overall health. 

It is known that continually nursing negative feelings keeps stress levels high, and chronic stress is known to trigger early aging and death. Overall, forgiveness is linked to important aspects of physical and mental health. All the physical and psychological benefits that come with just that one act could be key in predicting a longer and healthy life. Is there someone you need to forgive? Let that be the best gift you give yourself this year.

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The First Branch of Yoga: The Yamas

by Ram

Path in the Fog by Claude Monet

The first of the eight rungs or limbs is the yamas, which can be considered as universal morality. The practice of yamas lays the foundation from which to develop all the other subtle practices. Yamas serve as moral, ethical and societal guidelines to lead a conscious, honest, and ethical life. There are five yamas or positive guidelines that help us to behave and relate to our surroundings and environment, and to achieve oneness with it. Patanjali considered the five yamas as universal vows and preached that in order to have a harmonious life they be practiced on all levels: by way of thoughts, actions, and words. The five yamas are: 

• ahimsa=nonviolence
• satya=truthfulness
• aparigraha= noncovetousness/non-possessiveness/non-hoarding
• asteya=nonstealing
• brahmacharya= continence/sexual restraint

For more on the yamas in general, see Nina's post Yama Drama: Considering the First Branch of Yoga. 

Ahimsa: Himsa in Sanskrit means violence, which  is defined as the intentional use of force or power on self or against a person or a group that results in a physical/psychological harm, mental disturbance, injury or death. Going by this definition, himsa can mean both physical and mental violence perpetrated on self or others. Thus, there is no difference between a person who is harboring severe judgment and negativity towards self or others and a person who walks with a gun into a classroom and randomly shoots at the students. Both have committed himsa or violence, albeit to different degrees. Ahimsa (non-violence), is the opposite of himsa and refers to non-harming or non-injury, that is, physical, mental, and emotional non-violence towards self and others. Individuals who always experience natural inner peace and a non-harming attitude and who have given up on their hostilities, ill will, or aggression are practicing ahimsa. For more on ahimsa/nonviolence, see my post Ahimsa: Non Violence and Healthy Aging. 

Satya: Satya is defined in Sanskrit as "sate hitam satyam," which translates to “The path to truth is ultimate truth itself.” Thus, one who is always truthful in actions, speech, and thoughts, his or her will is naturally fulfilled since such a behavior allows a natural flow of goodness or positive feelings. Truth is considered divine and truth connotes purity. If we start living in truth, we are free from all kinds of emotional turmoil. For more on satya and its effects on healthy aging, check out my post Satya: The Truth about Lies and Healthy Aging. 

Aparigraha: Aparigraha means to limit possessions to what is necessary or important and taking what is truly necessary and no more. Hoarding is not just about accumulating material possessions but also about hoarding/holding thoughts and emotions that affect our normal mindset and thinking process. We tend to fill our minds with fear, worry, anxiety, grief, anger, rage, jealousy, judgments among others and we do not let go of these emotions. Over time, these emotions build up and accumulate as unexpressed or suppressed emotions that can trigger mental and/or physical pathological conditions. For more on this topic, see my post Aparigraha: Non-Hoarding and Healthy Aging.

Asteya: Desire or greed for material possessions can cause an individual to steal, overspend or even going into debt that is not only stressful for the individual but can ruin the family as well. The desire for material possession simply means that the individual is dissatisfied with what he/she possesses and is constantly looking to acquire more. Since the fundamental cause of acquiring more is desire, we should try to overcome our desires gradually through the regular practice of yoga.

Brahmacharya: This is a complex topic for our culture. While the original meaning in the Yoga Sutras certainly meant no sex at all for an individual on his/her path, I am not sure if this is how Patanjali would have truly interpreted. Sanskrit terms can have different contextual meanings and I like to interpret brahmacharya in two ways. First, I interpret brahmacarya as sexual responsibility. Recklessness in one’s sexual conduct can also lead to lies, violence, jealousy and pain, which leads the individual astray from the path of yoga. Second, brahma=divine/superior/heavenly and acharaya=routines/practices/tasks. So brahmacharya could also be interpreted as heavenly practices or simply put “good living practices”(GLP).  GLP is being honest, respectful, forgiving, kind, and selfless. People practicing GLP live a fulfilling life as they do not have any personal or selfish interest. Because of these virtues or positive character traits, an individual is committed to doing the right thing no matter what the personal cost, and does not bend to impulses, urges or desires, but acts according to values and principles. GLP helps us to attain wisdom, and when there is wisdom, there is no conflict. GLP helps individuals to turn into agents of social change.

In conclusion, the yamas may seem obscure and impenetrable, but I believe the principles of yamas are worth investigating. Yamas contain essential advice for daily/good living. As they offer a map or guidance that allows us to have enhanced emotional and mental wellbeing and a more fulfilling and meaningful life, yamas serve as the GPS for our lives. Practicing the yamas leads to greater happiness and spiritual fulfillment not only for the individual but also to those around him/her. 

And that is the ultimate truth!

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Aparigraha (Non-Hoarding) and Healthy Aging

by Ram

Naushon Tree by Brad Gibson

In the Sadhana Pada of the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali we are introduced to the eight rungs/limbs/steps of yoga whose practice helps us to develop attention as a tool to discriminate between ignorance and awareness and truth from illusion, the means for liberation or enlightenment. One of the eight limbs is aparigraha, which has several meanings, including non-possessiveness, non-holding, non-indulgence, non-acquisitiveness. Verse 2.39 in the Yoga Sutras describes aparigraha as:

aparigraha sthairye janma kathanta sambodhah

When one is steadfast in non-possessiveness or non-grasping with the senses there arises knowledge of the why and wherefore of past and future lives. —trans. by Swami Jnaneshvara

 Aparigraha comes from the word parigraha, which means reaching out for something and claiming it for oneself; the "a" prefix' before parigraha turns it into an antonym. Thus, aparigraha is the concept of non-possessiveness or non-hoarding. Aparigraha means to limit possessions to what is necessary or important and taking what is truly necessary and no more. Nina briefly touched on this topic in one of her earlier postings (see Yama Drama).

Our senses are like portals or gateways into our body, mind and consciousness. We are what we eat, smell, see, hear and touch. Through our senses, we absorb the world around us. If we take in harmonious impressions, we will in turn be healthier. If we absorb disharmonious impressions through our senses, we are inviting with it all kinds of body-mind problems. Through these five senses we get attracted to material possessions and surround ourselves with them. Hoarding is the accumulation of things that may have little or no value. So great is the need to accumulate these things that they then becomes difficult to part with it. Hoarders accumulate and store old newspapers, food cartons, cans, mail, notes, clothes, garbage and other debris. Hoarding begins slowly and builds over time. Hoarders will not give up their possessions as they develop an emotional attachment to their belongings and have a distorted view about the importance/lack of importance of material possessions. People who develop a habit of hoarding identify their possessions as a part of their identities. Losing or disposing of a possession may produce extreme anxiety or a sense of loss and grief. Researchers believe that individuals who are experiencing emotional upheavals in their lives when faced with aging and the possibility of outliving their resources may begin to collect and save as these material possessions provides them a sense of security—sort of a comfort zone.

But hoarding is not just about accumulating material possessions. It is also about hoarding/holding thoughts and emotions that affect our normal mindset and thinking process. Hoarding, be it mental or physical, is associated with an inability to process information and make decisions when confronted with a large amount of information, attention and focus deficits and a failure of categorization. We tend to fill our minds with fear, worry, anxiety, grief, anger, rage, jealousy, and judgments, among others, and we do not let go of these emotions. Over time, these emotions—whether it be bitterness, fear, emotional damage, rejection or abandonment—build up. If you hoard/accumulate unexpressed or suppressed emotions and if they are not getting released, they keep building up in your body. Ultimately these pent-up emotions can trigger mental and/or physical pathological conditions. Thus, hoarding emotions can be devastating to both mind and body.

What is the easiest and effective way to ward off emotional hoarding? A simple method is meditation (dhyana), the cheapest and simplest recourse to a healthy body and mind (see Balancing Your Emotions with Your Breath). While meditation may not cure a person from the act of hoarding, the person having a meditation practice will react to life’s turbulence differently. This reaction and suitable action measures comes from a true awareness; awareness to the emotional turbulence arising from within that has remedial effects. As explained in an earlier post (see Never Go to Bed Angry), the individual will not only have the capacity to transcend the physical and emotional upheaval but will also not evoke the same physical and emotional reactions that are commonly seen in a person who does not meditate.

Just as you take a car for a regular tune up, you also need to detoxify and tune up our body and mind on a periodical basis. Disposing of any unwanted material possessions and detoxifying our mind-riddled emotions on a regular basis is a panacea for healthy aging and living. If you can do it for your car, you might as well think about doing the same for your mind and body.

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Ahimsa (Non-Violence) and Healthy Aging

by Ram 

Peaceful Valley by Brad Gibson

Himsa in Sanskrit means violence, which is defined as the intentional use of force or power on self or against a person or a group that results in a physical/psychological harm, mental disturbance, injury or death. Going by this definition, there is no difference between a person who is harboring severe judgment and negativity towards self or others and a person who walks with a gun into a classroom and randomly shoots at the students. Both have committed himsa or violence albeit to different degrees. We have also have heard or witnessed acts of himsa perpetrated in yoga studios as well.

Violence of any kind has profound effects on the health of an individual. Studies have shown the following:

• The stress of being in an abusive relationship has the obvious physical and psychological impact: it often increases one’s vulnerability to illness and may cause the victim to be more susceptible to disease.
• Battered victims experience depression, feelings of low self-esteem and helplessness coupled with somatic complaints.
• Chronic abuse causes serious psychological harm. Victims experience panic disorders, phobias, anxieties and depression that may last for several years. Their ability to trust and form emotional attachments are severely impacted.
• Victims often complain of enduring the effects of violence over many years and some even develop extreme symptoms years later in response to major life stressors.

Moreover violence severely impacts healthy aging and life expectancy is reduced in traumatic individuals. Recent studies have shown that the United States suffers far more violent deaths than any other wealthy nation. The United States has about six violent deaths per 100,000 residents. Homicide and suicide together account for about a quarter of the years of life lost for U.S. men compared to those in those peer countries. Children who are exposed to different types of violent childhood events suffer from all kinds of stressors that negatively affect their overall development. A ten-year study finds that a traumatic childhood reduces life expectancy by 20 years among adults who experienced six or more particular types of abuse or household dysfunction as kids. Thus, violence in all forms is taking its toll on the life expectancy of the U.S. population. The solution to this grave problem is shunning violence and cultivating ahimsa (non violence), the opposite of himsa. Ahimsa— which also refers to non-harming or non-injury—is the first of the five yamas in the yoga sutras of Patanjali. The five yamas serve as moral, ethical and societal guidelines for a harmonious living. Patanjali considered the yamas as universal vows, and preached that they be practiced on all levels: by way of thoughts, actions, and words. Verse 2.3 in the Yoga Sutras describes ahimsa as:

ahimsa pratishthayam tat vaira-tyagah

As a Yogi becomes firmly grounded in non-injury (ahimsa), other people who come near will naturally lose any feelings of hostility — trans. by Swami Jnaneshvara.

Going by the above translation, ahimsa would mean physical, mental, and emotional non-violence towards self and others. For those who are always in contact with individuals who experience natural inner peace and a non-harming attitude, there is a tendency for them to give up their hostilities, ill will or aggression in return. It is a natural process that everyone experiences in the presence of a truly non-violent person.

How does one cultivate ahimsa? Empathy and compassion are two excellent tools to foster ahimsa as they allow us to accept events as they are and act with an open and loving heart. Empathy and compassion replace violent tendencies with kindness, acceptance and love. Practicing it on oneself helps to cultivate the same feelings towards others. So how about cultivating some ahimsa in our lives starting now!

Kindly and non-violently,

Ram

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